We got portly and regular and extra-long.
(Is my size up there?)
We got tailors to fix it, if it comes out wrong.
(Is my size up there?)
We got all kinds of sweatshirts, you can take your pick.
(Is my size up there?)
With the collars ripped off, like that Flashdance flick.
(Is my size up there?)

Our prices are low, my staff is underpaid.
You can buy off the rack, or have it custom made,
And it's all guaranteed to never shrink or fade,
'Cause of my reputation as the King of Suede.

If you need a tuxedo for your junior prom,
(Is my size up there?)
We can get you the best one that's made in Taiwan.
(Is my size up there?)
We got jackets with patches on the elbows, too.
(Is my size up there?)
And we'll sell 'em all factory-direct to you.
(Is my size up there?)

Well, I never made it past the second grade.
It took all of my life for me to learn this trade.
But my friends are all thinking that I've got it made,
'Cause I'm known the world over as the King of Suede.

There's a two-for-one sale on our three-piece suits.
Check out our suede pajamas and our suede-covered boots.
You can try on our suede underwear if you choose.
Do what you want, but don't step on my blue suede shoes.

King of Suede.

Don't miss out on our giant liquidation sale.
(Is my size up there?)
Look for our color catalog in next week's mail.
(Is my size up there?)
There's a sale on our double-knit slacks today.
It's the same old sale as yesterday.

Thirty years in the same location I have stayed,
There I am, right next door to Willy's Fun Arcade.
I got tough competition but I'm not afraid,
'Cause it's my destiny to be the King of Suede.

But he's no bum, he works down the street
He bought the neighborhood deli.
Back on his feet, now he's choppin' up meat.
Come inside, maybe you'll hear him say,

Try the rye or the kaiser,
They're our special tonight.
If you want, you can have an appetizer
You might like our salami and the liver's alright
And they'd really go well with the rye or the kaiser

Never eats while on the job,
He heard it's good to stay hungry
But he makes a pretty mean shish kebab
Have a taste, they were made fresh today

Try the rye or the kaiser
Or the wheat or the white
Maybe I can suggest an appetizer
Stay away from the tuna, it smells funny tonight
But you just can't go wrong with the rye or the kaiser

So today, his deli comes first
Still he dreams of his past days of glory
Goes in the back and beats up on the liverwurst
All the while you can still hear him say,

It's the rye or the kaiser
It's the thrill of one bite
Let me please be your catering advisor.
If you want substitutions,
I won't put up a fight.
You can have your roast beef on the rye or the kaiser.