Baseball Toaster Screen Jam
Jerry's Girls
2006-12-17 21:30
by Jon Weisman

Just for kicks, I ranked my favorite Seinfeld Seinfeld girlfriends (using the list at Seinology).

There was no science to my choices - it was an inconsistent combination of how much I liked their characters, how attracted I was to them, and how memorable the episode was. I think for the most part, the rankings define which girlfriend I look forward to seeing the most - but don't hold me to that. On a different day, the rankings would come out differently.

Episode (The Girl) Storyline
My comment

  • 57-The Outing (Sharon-Paula Marshall) She though Jerry was lying about being gay
    Paula Marshall - c'mon.
  • 148-The Van Buren Boys (Ellen-Christine Taylor) She was a loser
    Hey, I thought she was adorable.
  • 02-The Stakeout (Elaine-Julia Louis Dreyfus) To save the friendship
    Ultimately, she's really the one.
  • Multiple (Marla-Jane Leeves) She found out about the Contest
    Forbidden fruit.
  • 59-The Implant (Sidra-Teri Hatcher) He suspected her "spectacular" breats were fake
    Teri's best role?
  • 158-The Voice (Claire-Sara Rose Peterson) Her belly button talked
  • 153-The Yada Yada (Beth-Debra Messing) She was a Nazi
    Appealing until the very end.
  • 81-The Wife (Meryl-Courtney Cox) She abused his "family" dry clean discount
    Courtney was really cute in this.
  • 130-The Calzone (Danette Tays) She is so beautiful that she gets whatever she wants
    How can one resist?
  • 135-The Foundation (Jeannie-Janeane Garofalo) She was too much like him
    I've actually got a thing for Janeane
  • 76-The Stall (Jane-Jami Gertz) She can't spare a square
    Great ending.
  • 60-The Junior Mint (Dolores-Susan Walters) Jerry couldn't remember her name
    Jerry would have tired of her eventually.
  • 47-The Bubble Boy (Naomi-Jessica Lundy) Her laugh sounded like Elmer Fudd
    Always liked Jessica - felt bad she got stuck with this plot.
  • 79-The Pie (Audrey-Suzanne Snyder) She wouldn't taste his apple pie
    She also played Eva, the neo-Nazi
  • 06-The Ex-Girlfriend (Marlene-Tracy Kolis) She doesn't think his standup act is funny
    One of the quirkiest.
  • 150-The Pothole (Jenna-Kristin Davis) Jerry wouldn't use her toothbrush
    Cute celebrity 1.
  • 159-The Serenity Now (Patty-Lori Loughlin) She believed Jerry couldn't show emotion
    Cute celebrity 2.
  • The Chinese Woman (Donna Chang - Angela Dohrmann) aka Donna Changstein
    So exotic.
  • 09-The Phone Message (Donna-Gretchen German) She liked the Dockers' commercial
    I like how she stood up for herself.
  • 137-The Bizarro Jerry (Gillian-Kristin Bauer) She had "man hands"
    Otherwise, she was nice.
  • 119-The Sponge (Lena-Jennifer Guthrie) She stockpiled cases of "Today Sponge" contraceptives
    This worked: the flaw in her was a turn-on.
  • 114-The Wink (Holly-Stacey Travis) Jerry wouldn't eat enough meat for her
    I hardly ever see this in reruns, for some reason.
  • 97-The Switch (Sandi-Jann Karam) She wouldn't laugh
    Menage a what now?
  • 74-The Cigar Store Indian (Winona-Kimberly Norris) Jerry implies she is an "Indian Giver"
    Wouldn't have minded seeing more of her.
  • 73-The Masseuse (Jody-Jennifer Coolidge) She wouldn't give Jerry a massage
    Now a C. Guest regular, she plays it straight here.
  • 88-The Big Salad (Julie-Marita Geraghty) Newman had dumped her
    Liked her from "Groundhog Day"
  • 111-The Engagement (Melanie-Athena Massey) She ate her peas one at a time
    Didn't make much of an impression for some reason.
  • 123-The Seven (Christie-Lisa Deane) She kept wearing the same dress over and over
    Mystery more compelling than the character
  • 156-The Summer of George (Lanette-Amanda Peet) Jerry didn't send out the invitations for her party in time
    Not that rewarding
  • Multiple (Tia-Jennifer Campbell) She thought she caught Jerry picking his nose
    Too unforgiving (not that Jerry is any better)
  • 162-The Merv Griffin Show (Celia-Julia Pennington) She wouldn't let Jerry play w/ her "Toy Collection"
    Sleeping most of the time.
  • 163-The Slicer (Sara-Marcia Cross) Jerry called her a "pimple popper"
    Quality of episode hurts.
  • 75-The Conversion (Tawni-Kimberley Campbell) Jerry stole her fungicide
    Neither here nor there
  • 155-The Muffin Tops (Alex-Melinda Clarke) There were body "hair" issues
  • Multiple (Rachel-Melanie Smith) Schindlers List/Shrinkage/Even Steven
    Generally unpleasant.
  • 48-The Cheever Letters (Sandra-Lisa Malkiewicz) Jerry talked too "dirty" to her
    Too bimboesque.
  • Miss Rhode Island (Karen-Marguerite MacIntyre) Jerry dates a pageant contender
    Didn't get my vote
  • 67-The Glasses (Amy-Anna Gunn) Jerry accuses her of kissing his cousin
    Not a big Anna Gunn fan.
  • 01-Good News, Bad News (Laura-Pamela Brull) She was engaged
    Did nothing for me.
  • 37-The Good Samaritan (Angela-Melinda McGraw) She was a hit-and-run driver
    By design, not appealing

  • Comments
    2006-12-17 21:51:42
    1.   Linkmeister
    Er, about the italics tag in your HTML...

    I doubt this will fix it, but let's see:

    2006-12-17 21:52:03
    2.   Linkmeister
    And nope. I placed it in front of my comment.
    2006-12-17 21:55:52
    3.   Jon Weisman
    I fixed it - sorry. Shouldn't have rushed to get that snack.
    2006-12-17 22:10:52
    4.   bhsportsguy
    Like the list, wow Paula Marshall first, who saw that one coming but that also might be the best George and Jerry combination story with someone Jerry is seeing.
    2006-12-18 00:17:19
    5.   Bob Timmermann
    What about Catherine Keener as Nina in "The Letter"? It wasn't a great episode however.

    How many Seinfeld girlfriends ever were nominated for an Oscar?

    I liked Julia Campbell's turn as Lisi in "The Frogger", she was the girlfriend Jerry stayed with longer because he was afraid of the Lopper.

    2006-12-18 02:22:40
    6.   Vishal
    what about kathleen mcclellan as melissa in "the apology"? she's the one who walks around jerry's apartment nude, which kind of turns him off because she's doing mundane stuff, and then he starts trying nudity, which turns her off, and then they can't get the nude images of each other they don't like out of their heads and they break up.
    2006-12-18 06:48:34
    7.   Jon Weisman
    Yeah, the list is incomplete - I need to update it as I go.
    2006-12-18 06:49:59
    8.   Jon Weisman
    There's also Vanessa from one of the early episodes, and there's the Melrose Place cop.
    2006-12-18 10:31:36
    9.   sanchez101
    Nice list, I don't know why but I'm not suprised you picked Sharon to top your list. She is definitly one of my favorites though.

    Somehow I think a list of George's or Kramer's girl friends, while consisting of less celebrities, would be just as funny.

    In the spirit of the season, you should add the "two-faced" girl from Festivus.

    2006-12-18 12:27:57
    10.   Claire Malone-Evans
    I had to go to the Urban Dictionary to find out the meaning of the word "breats". Sidra is my favoriet Jerry gal.
    2006-12-18 13:45:52
    11.   El Lay Dave
    I always had trouble buying into the idea that Jerry could do that well with women. Maybe I was just jealous.
    2006-12-18 15:45:41
    12.   bhsportsguy
    RIP Tom, Jerry, Yogi, Fred, Barney, Wilma, Betty, George, Jane, Judy, Elroy and Huckleberry Hound.
    2006-12-18 19:56:40
    13.   Bob Timmermann
    But of course you never had trouble that George and Kramer could get an equally impressive group of women.
    2006-12-18 21:46:06
    14.   El Lay Dave
    13 However, I would draw the line at Newman.
    2006-12-18 21:53:28
    15.   jtrichey
    Paula Marshall and Teri Hatcher would definitely make my top 3. What about Tawny Kitaen? Wasn't she the actress that made Jerry rehearse her plays?
    2006-12-18 21:54:17
    16.   jtrichey
    Oh, and my least favorite was the shmoopie/Soup Nazi girlfriend. She was just ugly.
    2006-12-18 23:09:31
    17.   bhsportsguy
    I saw the repeat Christmas episode of Studio 60 and it was good, maybe because it had a lot of heart and integrity issues but I thought it was the best hour that show has done all year.
    2006-12-18 23:44:33
    18.   Bob Timmermann

    I think he damns the show with faint praise.

    2006-12-19 17:50:00
    19.   bhsportsguy
    18 Faint no, fading well.

    And if JoeyP is lurking, he better tune in to The Office on Thursday January 4, 2007 or he will be pretty upset with himself.

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