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If He Were British, He Could Be 'Sir Weird Al'
2007-02-13 08:20
by Jon Weisman

I was and am a Weird Al Yankovic fan only in passing, but when people started talking about him in the comments of Dodger Thoughts, it make me smile and think about my two favorite songs of his: "King of Suede" (sung to "King of Pain") and "The Rye or the Kaiser" (sung to "Eye of the Tiger").

"King of Suede"
There's a sale on our gabardine suits today.
They're all thirty percent off from yesterday.
There's Fortrel polyester, leather, wool and tweed.
Just a Visa or Mastercard is all you need.
We've got every color, we've got ev'ry shade.
We're located next door to Willy's Fun Arcade.
We got every fabric that was ever made,
But I'm known in this city as the King of Suede.

We got portly and regular and extra-long.
(Is my size up there?)
We got tailors to fix it, if it comes out wrong.
(Is my size up there?)
We got all kinds of sweatshirts, you can take your pick.
(Is my size up there?)
With the collars ripped off, like that Flashdance flick.
(Is my size up there?)

Our prices are low, my staff is underpaid.
You can buy off the rack, or have it custom made,
And it's all guaranteed to never shrink or fade,
'Cause of my reputation as the King of Suede.

If you need a tuxedo for your junior prom,
(Is my size up there?)
We can get you the best one that's made in Taiwan.
(Is my size up there?)
We got jackets with patches on the elbows, too.
(Is my size up there?)
And we'll sell 'em all factory-direct to you.
(Is my size up there?)

Well, I never made it past the second grade.
It took all of my life for me to learn this trade.
But my friends are all thinking that I've got it made,
'Cause I'm known the world over as the King of Suede.

There's a two-for-one sale on our three-piece suits.
Check out our suede pajamas and our suede-covered boots.
You can try on our suede underwear if you choose.
Do what you want, but don't step on my blue suede shoes.

King of Suede.

Don't miss out on our giant liquidation sale.
(Is my size up there?)
Look for our color catalog in next week's mail.
(Is my size up there?)
There's a sale on our double-knit slacks today.
It's the same old sale as yesterday.

Thirty years in the same location I have stayed,
There I am, right next door to Willy's Fun Arcade.
I got tough competition but I'm not afraid,
'Cause it's my destiny to be the King of Suede.

King of Suede.
King of Suede.
King of Suede.
I'll always be King of Suede.
I'll always be King of Suede

"The Rye or the Kaiser"
Fat and weak, what a disgrace.
Guess the champ got too lazy.
Ain't gonna fly now, he's just takin' up space.
Sold his gloves, threw his eggs down the drain.

But he's no bum, he works down the street
He bought the neighborhood deli.
Back on his feet, now he's choppin' up meat.
Come inside, maybe you'll hear him say,

Try the rye or the kaiser,
They're our special tonight.
If you want, you can have an appetizer
You might like our salami and the liver's alright
And they'd really go well with the rye or the kaiser

Never eats while on the job,
He heard it's good to stay hungry
But he makes a pretty mean shish kebab
Have a taste, they were made fresh today

Try the rye or the kaiser
Or the wheat or the white
Maybe I can suggest an appetizer
Stay away from the tuna, it smells funny tonight
But you just can't go wrong with the rye or the kaiser

So today, his deli comes first
Still he dreams of his past days of glory
Goes in the back and beats up on the liverwurst
All the while you can still hear him say,

It's the rye or the kaiser
It's the thrill of one bite
Let me please be your catering advisor.
If you want substitutions,
I won't put up a fight.
You can have your roast beef on the rye or the kaiser.

The rye or the kaiser….. (repeat)

Comments
2007-02-13 11:06:09
1.   bhsportsguy
"Eat It" down to the red jacket in the video.

"Smells Like Nirvana"
What is this song all about?
Can't figure any lyrics out
How do the words to it go?
I wish you'd tell me, I don't know

It's unintelligible
I just can't get it through my skull
It's hard to bargle nawdle zouss???
With all these marbles in my mouth

2007-02-13 11:06:56
2.   D4P
I was and am a Weird Al Yankovic fan only in passing

Me too, but I recently started listening to his stuff again and remembered that he's a lot of fun. I don't go for all the polkas, but I appreciate them from a creativity and musicianship standpoint.

2007-02-13 11:11:43
3.   Xeifrank
I remember Weird Al from the Doctor Damento(sp?) days and was happy when he made it big time.

I'm glad to see this music thread up. I am trying to (legally) download some different kinds of American/Western music for my nephew in mainland China. He like heavy metal and I don't know which songs would be good to download. Would love some input. Songs can be anything from the past 20 years or so. vr, Xei

2007-02-13 12:59:00
4.   Sam DC
Dr. Demento was very special (in its own time). I guess the experience of waiting and hunting for a scheduled radio show -- even taping it off the air -- is pretty much a lost one at this point.
2007-02-13 13:23:32
5.   Johnson
Would I be chastised for pointing out that the proper name of the second song listed above is "Theme From Rocky XIII"?
2007-02-13 13:45:08
6.   Jon Weisman
5 - No, you go for it.
2007-02-13 18:23:58
7.   Sam DC
No Joss Wheedon directs The Office talk?
2007-02-13 20:39:12
8.   StolenMonkey86
His newer stuff is particularly catchy. "Don't Download this Song" is catchy, and will get stuck in your head forever.
2007-02-13 20:46:03
9.   Jon Weisman
7 - On a Tuesday, two weeks after I mentioned it?

http://screenjam.baseballtoaster.com/archives/585127.html

Sure, why not?!

2007-02-13 23:07:52
10.   El Lay Dave
4 Exactly! Here in L.A. we got a live, four-hour, Sunday-night show, IIRC, that included a last-hour, top-10 countdown. I think I heard the syndicated show out-of-town once, it was shorter and with a closing, half-hour, Funny-five.

Weird Al was cool if you were a slightly out of the mainstream, Demento-listening teen, but I was starting to grow out of that when he started becoming more well-known. Heck, I was 19 when "My Bologna" - his first single - came out!

That said, the only use of the accordian's air button for musical purposes that I know of occurs in his "Mr. Frump in the Iron Lung", the B-side to his independent label "Another One Rides the Bus" 7" EP.

2007-02-13 23:50:25
11.   Steve
This whole thread smacks of schizoid paranoia.
2007-02-14 04:17:43
12.   Sam DC
9: Serves me right!
2007-02-14 08:09:15
13.   Greg Brock
I can't believe nobody has mentioned UHF, one of the great films of our time...

"Today, we're teaching poodles how to fly!"

2007-02-14 09:51:20
14.   Steve
It may just be existential blues.
2007-02-14 15:20:00
15.   Phil Bencomo
13 I've still got it on VHS, and I recently picked up the DVD.

The TV/film parodies kill me every time (Gandhi 2, Wheel of Fish, Conan the Librarian ...)

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